Why dont we talk about how hard it is?

Ive struggled with if I wanted to share this or not. But I think writing this out will be more therapeutic than anything. So here is a heads up, this blog post is for me more than anything.

Lately it feels like every time I open my instagram there is a new baby announcement - now dont get me wrong. I am truly happy for every single one of these budding and growing families. But I also feel sad. And that is entirely okay! We have been trying to get pregnant for months. We have tried ovulation sticks, I had laid with my legs up on the wall for hours, I take my temperate, I use a tracking app. I have googled every symptom of early pregnancy. I dont smoke, I barely drink, I eat every leafy green I see. I take prenatals and have given up hot baths. Long story short, we do it all. But every single month my period comes, I cry. I get upset. I have a pity party, and then we try again.

I spent my whole life trying to not get pregnant, and now the one thing I have always been avoiding is the one thing that consumes so many of my thoughts.

Social media is full of baby announcements, and people making it look like a breeze, but we lack the stories of struggle and how it isnt always a one and done experience. I understand that this is partly because we are worried about sharing stories of loss that sometimes follow, or we are worried about our employers learning about us trying, the list goes on and on, but me being my authentic self feels like I need to share that getting pregnant isnt all sunshine and rainbows.

If we are lucky we have 12 chances a year to get pregnant, and in reality that isnt a lot, and because this isnt a topic that is talked a lot about it often seems like people typically conceive right away, or at least thats how I feel - and I am sure in reality it isnt the case, but because we dont share the stories of the journey when it doesnt happen right away it can feel like a shock.

I often feel alone on this journey, and I know I am not. I have the most supportive partner in the world, the best friends that constantly check in on me, and all of you guys, but its hard for me to even really express how I feel about this entire journey when its just the overwhelming feeling of disappointment every month. I like many others search for symptoms when my period is getting close. Just this morning I convinced myself that my coffee tastes gross, and I am not sure if it actually does, or if its my brain trying to find every possible symptom and hold on to some hope that this month will be the month that it happens.

I guess what I am trying to get at here is that we aren’t alone. None of us are. We are all in this together and a community is so important. Every feeling I have, or you have is valid. Every mini cry session when your period comes is valid. Every time someone asks you when your are going to start trying, or asks why you dont have kids and your eyes well up with tears is valid.

I am going to start sharing my story. I am going to share my struggles, my emotional highs and lows. We are in this together and we need to normalize the journey, the struggle, and all the valid feelings that go along with it.

So buckle up. You’re invited along.