The question I am asked the most...other then what colour is your hair

I am asked two questions almost daily

1) what hair dye do you use?

2) how did you become so confident?

Let’s address question number two today. I touched on some of this in my first blog post, so some of this is going to be a repeat, but the simplest answer I can give you to this question is a literally stopped giving a damn about what people said and thought of me. It was the most freeing thing I could’ve ever done. Ever. Now this sounds a lot easier than it is, and I know that, but it is the overarching thing that I did to change the way I saw myself.

I used to compare myself to anyone and everyone. I would think to myself, its not fair that they can look so effortlessly beautiful and look at the way people look at them. This left me emotionally drained, and stopped me from seeing the 7000 amazing things about myself.

I remember when I was 16 I had this book in my room, I would cut out pictures from magazines and call it my “body inspiration” book. There were pictures of calfs, stomachs, beauty marks, teeth, hair, you name it, it was in there(this actually sounds really creepy on a whole new level as I type it). I used to look at this book daily, and think if I just ate a little less, or ran a little more I could have these things and then, then I would be totally happy. SPOILER ALERT thats not how it works! Happiness doesn’t just appear one day because your calfs are toned, it just makes you chase the next thing that you think you need to be happy, a flatter tummy and so on. I thankfully stopped cutting pictures out of magazines by the time I was 18, but this longing for things to just look a little different stayed with me through my 20’s.

I got out of a super unhealthy relationship when I was 29 that really did a number on me. I felt lower then I ever had in my life, I didn’t care about myself at all, and I couldn’t have told you one thing that I liked about myself, let alone loved about myself, and I knew I had to change things. I woke up one day and decided the next year was going to be about learning who I was, learning what I was passionate about and just connecting with myself again. I made a lot of changes in that first few months. I quit smoking, I started eating better (this mentally just makes me feel good) and I started moving my body. These three changes catapulted me in to a place where I had not been for years, I realized that I was someone worth loving. I learned that I am funny, that I am kind to a fault, that I am strong, resilient, brave, and the biggest thing that I learned from this was that none of those amazing things are tied to my weight, or how I look.

After I had gotten myself into a good place where I truly loved things about myself (maybe not everything, but it was a start) my now Fiance and I crossed paths again. It was the perfect time in my life for this. I don’t want to minimize the hard work that I did on myself, but I do have to give him credit. This man showed up for me every day, he told anyone and everyone how much he loves me, and every day reminded me that not only was I worth loving, but that he in fact did love every single damn thing about me. I am truly grateful to have him in my corner. He is my biggest advocate, my biggest fan, and my best friend in the world (I love you B!).

The next part shouldn’t have shocked me as much as it did, but I learned that confidence comes from within. That confidence and self worth are not indicated by the number on the scale or the amount of space you take up in the world. I learned that there are so many unreal qualities about who I am as a PERSON that who the hell cares if I don’t look like Taylor Swift! This was the turning point for me. Next came the famous crop top (if you don’t know what I am talking about, its in my first blog post) and next came literally not giving a crap about the looks that I would sometimes get. or even the compliments! I dress the way I do for me, and no one else! And I live by that!

And thats kind of it guys, I wish there was more. I wish I could bottle my confidence and share it with you, but I promise, the first step is falling in love with WHO you are how not HOW you look. Make a list of the things that you love about you as a person, ask your friends why they are friend with you, do what ever you need to do to remind yourself of your core values that make you an amazing person! Start there.

And I do want to end this with saying, I have bad days too. It’s okay to have a bad day, a day where you don’t feel like you run the world, but remember those are just days, or fleeting moments. Those days don’t make you who you are. Those days make you stronger, cause inevitably you get through them, and on those days you learn about yourself.

You got this, I know you do.