That book I never stop talking about
I talk about this book that changed the way I see myself a lot. In fact I will talk about it too pretty much anyone who listens. Now this book wasn’t my only answer to feeling comfortable in my skin, but looking back now it gave the superhero belt I needed to begin loving myself in a way that I never knew I could,
Whats that? Oh what is the damn book called already? It is called “Beyond Beautiful: a practical guide to being happy, confident, and you in a looks-obsessed world” By Anuschuka Rees.
I know, you are probably rolling your eyes at me right now, as I personally know I bought every self help book from “Skinny Bitch” to one that Jillian Micheals wrote, looking to magically change the way I feel about myself over night. And that my friends is what set this book apart for me. In the introduction it tells you that this is going to take time. That there is no way in hell you are going to go to sleep one night feeling the way you feel and wake up the next morning ready to wear a bikini in time square (does that make anyone else think of that Amy Schumer movie?) But it does reinforce that with work and unpacking some of your own personal preconceived notions you will get to a better place.
“Beyond Beautiful” focuses on taking the time to work through what you truly believe beauty standards are, where they came from, any why the hell everyone is so obsessed with having abs?! It sets you up to do activities (some of them took me a few hours, some of the tougher ones took me a week to work through). The book breaks down body image into three parts:
1) your mental picture of yourself
2) your emotional reaction to that picture
3) the actions you could take as a result of that picture
One of the things that I love about this book is that it’s inclusive. A lot of the time (especially being “plus sized”) I forget that body shaming effects other people as well, and it isn’t just us girls that cant fit into a size 8 that are effected. I actually learned a lot about that the way I used to talk to my friends about my ideal body type was sometimes derogatory towards them. I said things like “I would kill for your small boobs” or “I am so jealous of your tiny legs”. Just because they aren’t dealing with same issues I am, doesn’t mean that they are not working through their own baggage.
And last but not least, as I have mentioned before I had spent the majority of my life on a diet. In fact, my fiance and I used to get into weekly arguments about where we would eat. I would get frustrated because he would never chose a place, and he would be too scared to chose a place cause I would be on some absurd diet of only eating potatoes (that in fact is a true story..) . I was a whole-hearted serial dieter. It all I knew. Its all I cared about, and I was convinced that it would answer all of my problems as long as I found the “right” one. “Beyond Beautiful” has a chapter of the book called Food and Fitness, and I felt as if it was written for me. My thoughts were right there in front of me: “What are people going to think if I just order the burger and fries I really want? I should just get a salad, a salad looks better to all my friends, and they are all getting one, so yes a salad it is”. I cannot explain to you how many times that exact play by play went through my head, no matter how badly I didn’t want the damn salad! In the book they talk about intuitive eating (I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes). Intuitive eating isn’t a new thing, at all. I have heard about it for years. Its the way we are supposed to eat - eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full. It’s not a new concept. BUT reading about it after emotionally unpacking a ton of baggage after the last few weeks gave me a clarity that I had never had before. It let me understand that it was so scary to become an ex-dieter, so scary to walk away from the apps that labeled food good and bad, and so scary to just let my body decide when and what I wanted to eat. And let me tell you, after a year of not being on a diet I feel free, I feel new, and I feel hopeful that maybe just maybe I will never go back to a damn diet again.
Look, this book isn’t going to do the work for you, but I can tell you that it helped me see things much differently then how we are currently programmed to see things. It opened my eyes to the fact that just because I cant fit into a size 8 doesn’t mean that I don’t get to dress the way I want. It helped me understand that just because I am maybe not societies ideal body type doesn’t mean that I am not beautiful. And that is a message that sticks with me every damn day.